I am a happy girl

Hai bloggieee

Tak boleh tido
Ahaha!
I just wanna express what i feel here
Before i go to sleep

Do you know how to fall in love?
How do i know if i really love someone?

I just have no answer to both of the question
But, when i realized i can talk to him for hoursss
And despite being emo, i can suddenly change and ended up being cheerful again
I know i really3 love him
Who would imagine

I thought i might marry someone out of love
Bcoz after my longgg breakup
I had no feelings at all
I just cant give my heart out
I thought i will marry a person out of responsibility
And the love maybe will develop later on
But bloggieeee
Truthfully.. sometimes i dont know how i feel towards him
I can restraint myself from talking to him for days
Maybe bcoz im mature enough to control myself kot

Buttt
Everytime he called me
My heart meltssss
I feel like im in loveeeee
How to control this weird feeling bloggiee
Takut kalau ade perasaaan nak memiliki ni
Takut Allah tarik balik je
Huhuhuhu

Maybe i should doa banyak2
So that everything will be fine
And Allah will let us be together if we are meant to be
Boleh x cakap something weird
Seriously
I look forward to the day when u re mine
When u will be my door to jannah
I love you sooo much
Sooo much that im afraid i might lose someone like you again
But if that happens
May Allah ease my heart
And may Allah guide me to be a better muslimah

Why am i so emo?

Bloggiee..

I dont understand myself

I know i’m going to have menses in few days

Thats the main reason why i am emooing right now

But bloggieee

I felt rejected

Soo much that i feel hurt

I dont know why am i feeling this way

Unnecessary feeling kan?

Thats why i hate relationship

I hate to have this kind of feeling

I miss the time that i didnt care about other people

When i dont give a damn for others

Everytime i look into it

I know its my fault

But.. heyyy what can i do when i have this kind of feeling

I tried to cool down

Tried exercise to let out my anger and my dissatisfaction

It worked but i cant text him now

Im afraid i might burst out silly things

And make him bored with me

Reason why i feel this way

When we were texting

Suddenly he said he wanna do bla3

The first time when he said he wanna workout

Then he wanna watch movie

Then he wanna have his dinner

At first i’m okay with what he said

When its too frequent

I have this thought, am i a bored person?

I just cant accept

I feel like he dont want me to bother him

I respect his time

I dont complaint when he replied my msg late

Sometimes i feel like being KK MO make me have a lot of free time

At time like this how i wish if i choose busy life

So that i wont have to care about little things

Should i change my interest back to anaesthesia?

Looking at my friend havig sleep deprived with every other day oncall, i’m afraid to venture into hospital life

I’m afraid i wont have time for my family

Though i really love hospital life

But at this rate, i really feel like i wanna go back to hosp life..

I know miss PMS coming

I know this feeling come because of this

But yeahh girl never learn kan?

Dah cool down baru insaf later on

Tapiiiii..

Can i turn back time bloggie? 😞😞😞

Serasot journey

Hai bloggieee

Too tired nowadays..
balik keje rase nak pengsan
Macam xcukup vitamin je
Huhuhu 😴😴😴

Hari2.. almost everyday hujan
Hence makin menyebabkan manusia bernama risq menjadi seorang yang mcm beruang pola
Ahahaha

I know i need to change
I promise
To myself
I will start today
Not to sleep early no matter how tired i am
😴😴😴

Hahaha..
ok ok..
mari study 💪🏻

Hai there ✌🏻

Hai bloggieee

Ade org start stalking my blog now 🙊🙊
Soo..
hai there 😍😍

Ahaha..
anyway bloggiee.. i’ve met someone sooo special
Just more or less 3-4 months ago
Though at first i was hesitating
Still am.. but, i hope i made the right choice now..

His braveness
His smile
His cuteness
His craziness
Make me fall for him..
and thankyou for being there for me sayang..

Its been 104 days today
Ahaha.. yes i did an app to count the days 😂😂😂
May everyday be a blessed day for us
And though we faced hardship we will always be together 😍😍

do i choose the right person?

bloggie

i just dont know..
did i make the right choice?
is it too impulsive?

i dont knoww..
sometimes, i just hope, i wont be too indulge in make decision
yess.. i am comfortable with him
i like his personality
i like how he differs from me, because i feel that he can control my weirdness
i have a feeling he can control the childishness in me
and i see abg tam in him
i see my abang's quality in him

tapiiii
knp bloggiee..why must this happen?
when bapak ask me a lot of question
i feel afraid..
true indeed, if i choose him, i have to live with him my whole life
can i accept that?
can i accept whatever his flaws?

i am far from perfect
sungguh la nk buat decision ni bukan senang kan
bkn tak solat mintak kat Allah
solat tak lupa
tapi hati mcm berbolak balik
is that a sign that i need to reconsider?
i already tell him what i need to tell
looks like he can accept that
tapi he havent tell me his..
maybe when he met me in aug later..
tapi bloggie, sungguh i paranoid towards guy..
haihhh...
knp susah nk decide?

Final posting

huwarghhhh..

Baby bloggie, dah final postinggggg 😘😘😘
Cam xcaye dh nk habes ho ship
Sekejap je mase berlalu..

Sedih ade
Suke ade
Tapi definitely tak nak repeat
Tak sanggup

Bloggieeeee
Target saya nk kawen hujung tahun ni mcm entah xtercapai kot
Walaupun masih berharap ia akan jadi nyata
Tapi doesnt look like it may come true 😣

Tapi good thing!
Aim nk beli rumah ✅
Aim nak beli kereta ✅
Alhamdulillah.. just that rumah and kete dedua wane hijauuu
Hahaha, i just cannot brain myself
Xla minat hijau pon.. haha 😝

Bloggieee...
Mcm mana nk tahu ape yg patut kita buat?
Mcm mana nk pilih..
Mcm mana nk decide..

Posting pn xtau kat mana lagi..
Doakan pleaseeee...

done pediatric my love

Asslamualaikum WBT bloggieeee..

bloggieeee...
i'm doneee with paedsssss
suprisingly, i enjoyed the postingg :DD
haha! funny eyyy..

before i've entered the posting
i heards lottssaaaa bad things from everyone..
kaki biru sikit kne extend..
buat mcm ni kne extend

well.. yeah, mmg ramai kne extend..
tapiii.. for me reason for extending the people eventhough hard to digest
tapi, they have reasonss..
mcm ade sorg ho ni, truthfully, i've been working with this person
teamwork kadang2 ke laut.. suke ambil power nap
dan kdg2 aku rasa dia cm main2 gaklaa..
so, of course they will find reason to extend that fella kn

mostttt of them yg i worked with, with good attitude..
yg mmg boleh rely on kan
sume tak kne extend..
soo? what say u?
lagipun HOD skrg ckp mmg dia nk strict dengan HO
although i feel pity dgn diorg sume
tapi, for me its for their own good
sbb tu dulu masa ak kne extend masa 1st year and dr tu cakap
extend will make u better..
aku cm memula xboleh hadamm
but now i do understand.. tahnkyou DR!

and, yess.. i have another 1 day before entering medical posting
i know the posting going to be tough
and challenging as well
sebab?
sebabnye xde off dayyy.. huwaaa :((

dahla masa medical ni abg cik nak kawen
adoiilaaa.. harapnye dpt bertabah..
means AL kne divide 2.. satu utk belah pengantin pompuan
another half utk belah pengantin lelaki
and and.. raye haji of COURSE tak dp cuti :((

takpela.takpelaa...
paedss.. mungkinkah kita akan jumpa lagi?
most likelyyyy.. sebab i think i fall in love with uuu :PP
insyaAllah.. nnti mgkin dh masuk 5th posting kita decide eh ;)

 with some of my colleaguess... thankyou sumeee for such memory :DDD

 how i enjoyed my off day before entering medical..
serious sedap,,, should've tried earlier.. haha :PP
thankyou mummy&daddy teman saye gi jenjalan <3 p="">

mase oncall raye haritu.. hiksss..

bye2 gurlsss.. see u again eyyyy :DD

i am a happy HO nowww...

i really hope i will continue to succeed with another 3 postings :D

amin..

bye2 bloggiee... jumpe lagi...

Istikharah

Assalamualaikum WBT bloggie..

Well, i just dont know who am i supposed to talk to.. Since i hope to pour out my feeling here.. I hope my heart will feel at ease after that.. And the rest I'll leave it to Allah..

Few days back my maktam called my mom and asked whether i have someone at the moment..
And she said she already talked about me to someone she knew.. And that person agreed to get to know me..
She asked me personally, whether can she gave my number to him.. Well, i just replied that i am not ready yet.. But yesterday maktam said that she already gave my number to him..

I just dont know how to respond..
Bloggie.. I cant even manage my own life..
I keep on getting back late at night..
Sometimes when i promised my mom and dad i'll be back by 6pm sometimes i end up getting back late at night..
How can i give commitment to someone? Plus that person is an ustaz and a teacher..I am far from being good.. How will he handle me, the naughty me.. The bad side of me? I just feel that i am not a match.. He is wayyyy to good to be with someone like me..

But, bloggie..
I just dont know how to respond if he did contact me..
Takkan u just wanna reject right from the first moment..
My dad said if ure not ready then just tell that person..
My mom said the same.. Bcoz previously there's also my mom's friend asked her to match her son with me who works as a pilot..but since my mom knew how my working hours will be she declined because if we ever get together, how will our kids be..
But my mom din totally reject this guy because my mom said "cikgu.. Okla banyak dok rumah".. Huhu..

Bloggie.. Nk istikharah pun xboleh skrg.. Harapnye dia pon xcontact dlu awal2 ni..
Buatla solat istikharah dlu..
But to get married now, i dont think soo..
Since i have too many responsibility..
Who's going to take care of my parents??
I hope Allah will guide us to make a wise decision..
Amin!

Well then.. I'll just enjoy my 2 days off after working like crazy for 7 days.. Till we meet again bloggie..