How la bloggie? Who actually make me feel like this..
Nak keluar dari kepompong ni sume
Xlarat nk fikir sudehhh..
The only thing that i can do was..
Staring. Hoping. Praying.
I know how IMPOSSIBLE it is.
But still. I still want it :(
Is it weird? Yeahh. I know its weird
And trulyyyy. It's more impossible :(
I kept on saying its not possible
But my mind keep on denying that fact
And still hope for a miracle to happen
That is me
Part of me being crazy by myself.
Cik blog, smlm kita saje la kan go through someone's blog. Dia start blogging since med student and now dah jadi specialist pon. What makes me feel like talking & talking was, despite knowing that cik bloggie was only 'wujud' for me.. Bcoz, i've stopped blogging consistently and subsequently people also forget about ur presence. I feel like whenever i came back here, the memories of all the joy & pain seoalah2 mcm flashback into my mind. The feeling was undescribable.
Cik bloggie. Masa baca the blog, i noticed that dia mcm recap ape yg berlaku 10 years back and dia predict what will happen in another 10 years. Sadly, almost everything dia dh achieved except getting married with 4-5 children. I was like, dr can i show ur older post now.. Congratulations! U have achieved the best achievement in life. I envy u..
So. 20 years back in 1995: i was 4 years old? Haha. The only memory that i have for that was i was sent to kindergarten since 3 y/o. My mum sent me to an english kindergarten. I was soo fluent in english at that time to the extent that i will converse in english with people. I went to tadika islam only when i reach 5 y/o and that too was an achievement for myself for being the 'tokoh murid perempuan' for my tadika islam.
10 years back which was in 2005: where was i at that time? I guess i'm taking my pmr that year. After going to an arabic school before in perak, when i moved to melaka, i choose to be in non-arabic school. Definitely not staying in a hostel like before and my mum's school was just right next door. This year i managed to get straight As for my pmr and that was one of the best thing that happen in my life. Since 12 y/o i keep on asking dad to buy me the winter sonata cd to add into my collection. Sadly, at that time our family was still struggling and that cd was not in the priority list. But then, after i managed to get that kind of result my dad bought me the cd. It was one of the most happiest moment in my life.
7 years back was in 2008. I was in matriculation in londang. I would say the best best best studying environment with all those best buddy, and i am focusing on my study. With all the hardwork i managed to get 4 flat for every semester and i remembered that i have been called by our lecturer after getting the best result for my math's paper. I can still remember how proud i was and my friend was when a muslim get 100% score for the paper. I guess the maths side in my brain was more active rather than biology :pp knowing people like abez, wan, pa'a and having them as my rumet was the best experience ever! At that particular time i was in a stupidiest state of my mind too! This which i regret the most in my life. Haihhh. So now, i'm planning to brainwash people who r still young not to get involve in r/ship especially when u're just like 18 y/o. Naive sgt! Haha! I guess if i can turn back time i will do it. But remember qada' & qadar. People come & go into ur life and each and everyone of them have their own function and role in our life. *yg budak2 kecik yg gatal nk bercouple2 tu meh sini kita babap montot awk. Nakal ngattt* but still 2008/2009 was the best study experience ever! Oh anyway i remain single till now bcoz of the after effect of past r/ship and i believe that to be dedicated and committed person i need to focus 1 thing at a time. And that was the best decision i made eventhough the process of going thru it was too painful to be remembered.
5 years back in 2010. I was in my first year and 2nd year. Yeahh! Not that good but not that creepy either. I travel to both taiwan and thailand i guess that year. Even i become the group moderator during the conference in KL. Many things happen that year but i am quite sure that it was enjoyable too.
3 years back in 2012. I just started my clinical years and it was awesome as i started with o&g. Having to oncall and doing delieveries was perfect as an eye opener for us the in the clinical years. And and. I was active in college too. I mean active as in active gile2 sampai rasa cm gila pangkat lak :pppp i am the pengarah for jamuan raya. Timb pengarah for pesta konvo, s/u for sports day, bendahari for hope and not to mentioned ajk & exco for lotssssa stuff. I am also 1 of the college reporter that time. Hak3. How la that happen.
Last year in 2013 i am 4th yr and in my final yr doing my research on syphilis. It was a great opportunity to learn and i enjoyed it very much.
I am here waiting for my result this friday. Cuaknyeeeer!!!
10 years ahead: 2025
Oh no! Dh capai x wawasan 2020. Katenye tema tu dibuat tahun 1991. That's when i was born. Hik3. Well, i hope the new dr.risq has succeeded in her life. Getting well for exams. Perhaps that time i am already a child psychiatrist. Married? Hopefully i am married that time with 2-3 kids. Just enough and sweet as it should be :)
Ok. Lets stop rambling and get ready for finishing schook programmed. Bye bloggie. Anyway, good morning bloggie :D
At that particular time, i was wondering will i be able to complete this journey?
And there's soooo many thoughts came thru my mind.
Well. I guess this blog will be with me
Hopefully i will update it every year at least one post. Haha! :pp
So here we goes. Back to the main topic
Alhamdulillah and praise to Allah!
Bloggie. I got o&g case for my long case
I am truly blessed.
Know what, the only thing that still fresh to me was o&g bcoz that was my last posting.
And i asked all my family members and even friends to pray so that i will get an o&g case.
During the first week of exam, i'm having my bff
It was troublesome especially when u experience all the symptoms like tiredness
Plus with lack of focus. I guess i'm having ADHD since childhood bcoz i can't bear staying put for such a long time. Haha :pp please give me the muscle relaxation therapy of the baby elephant! *creepy exam question for psy OSCE*
So, i asked Allah so that my turn for clinical exam will be after i'm finished with my menses. And taraaa. Alhamdulillah. Allah has granted my wish. So i have few days to pray and do some religious thingy before my clinical exam. When u're not allowed to pray during menses, i always feel empty as the connection was not that close as when we're praying. So, aftr continuous effort of praying and asking Allah to help me with my exam. Finally, the day has come.
I remembered the day before it was too stressful to the extent that u can't do anything except asking Allah to help ease ur feeling. That night, i was having all those panic attack symptoms. It was 12 am and i am still having tachycardia with pulse rate of 120 bpm. There's regular rhythm and good volume so no AF.
So, i pat myself, trying to calm me down and stop the adrenaline rush. But the effort was useless. I comfort myself that this is not a matter of what i've learnt in the past weeks during study week. But all my efforts during this 6 years period. So i said to myself. U must sleep risq! If not u'll be in trouble. It took me more than 45 minutes to fall asleep. I just cant remember what exactly happen but the moment i woke up its already 4 in the morning.
Too bad. I cant sleep anymore after that.
So i went on taking bath and pray before starting my revision. *mind u during my study week period, i keep on taking bath everytime i stressed out and that was about more than 5 times a day. Haha! I am that crazy people*
So. At 8am, i realized that the palpitation and pain was unbearable. So i decided to go early to the exam hall. My turn should be at 11am and i was too early until my professor prof shahrir n dr nurman ask me, risq, knp dtg awal sgt, nanti lagi nervous! But i said, i cant bear the palpitation anymore. Haha. So i sat there revising and trying to calm myself down.
When it was my turn, i was praying secretly that prof would pick an o&g case for me (station b was o&g case at that time)
So, when prof take out the B4 nametag, i was sooo happy and i feel like jumping up and down. Thankyou Allah! I just cant thanked u more. U have given sooo much!
So i had a 33 y/o primary school teacher G3P2, with 2 previous scar for suspected macrosomic baby, currently at 33 weeks POG and underlying chronic hpt and gdm on d/c and history of anaemia in pregnancy. The station was good and i get 2 benign lecturers prof lim peishan and dr laili :) it was daebak!
Now its just tuesday, but dr ng bk mentioned to us that, all o&g longcase candidate pass the exam. And i was expressing my gratitude to everyone that has been praying for me :)
Shortcase was not that bad and not too good either. I manage to have a peek on my psy station marks and it was 17.5 out of 20. Isn't it great? I guess that schizo pt was a blessed and indeed perhaps its a sign that i'll be a psychiatrist later on life :) ortho was neck and UL examination. But my medical& o&g station was quite bad eventhough dr said he passed me. But overall what i can conclude was the clinical exam was tough and lucky me that i got benign lecturer and hopefully can help me pass my exam.
So thats it. My journey for professional exam.
Now im in the middle of housemanship training camp. Hopefully by this friday i am a dr. Amin ha rabbal alamin.